I am a perfectionist. It has taken a lot of self awareness to finally admit that. I expect perfection from myself at all times, in all areas of life. There is no room for failure. So, what happens to me is that I quit living my life. The fear of failure, falling short of that standard of perfection, causes me to just stop altogether. I don’t let myself dream or make big goals because I can give you 600 reasons why it won’t work or it won’t happen. I am a realist, so I know better than to get my hopes up.
But what I’ve come to realize is that you really don’t know unless you try. You really can’t say one way or the other unless you give it a shot. And frankly, I’ve started to move past the fear of failure because there’s an even bigger fear now: the fear of What If? The fear of looking back and asking myself What If…? looms in front of me all the time. What if I actually stuck to it and lost the weight? What if I had actually done the work and applied to law school? What if I had chosen to read those books or take my kid to the park instead of watching more TV? I guess there’s something about getting older – you realize that there’s no magic time for success. If you haven’t “made it” or figured out exactly what you’re doing with your life in your 20s, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You have not missed your life! You have not blown it! You still have goodness knows how many years ahead of you and they are good years, too! They are worth living well! For so long I’ve been stuck in this mentality that my life is basically done with once I hit 30 and I won’t be able to start anything new or try again or dream big dreams for myself. It is just. not. true.
I am also kind of a lazy person, since we’re being honest. I love the idea of a picnic, but when it comes time to like… get up and pack a picnic and sit out in the hot weather and swat bugs and blah blah blah… I usually opt to just stay inside. But that is not where memories are made!! Opting to stay inside does not promote a happy, healthy, adventurous life.
So, I find that my core nature and personality are usually at odds with the life I desire. This list is going to help me change that over the next 18 months. Some of the items here are small and easy to accomplish – like going on a picnic! Some are bigger and a little daunting if I’m honest. I won’t beat myself up if I turn 30 and every single thing here isn’t accomplished- some may just not work out timing wise. But, I’m also going to try my darnedest to make sure they are finished!
This is where I’ll document as many of these experiences as possible. By the time I turn 30, I hope to have a really nice little journal of experiences to remember! What are some of your bucket list items?